On Friday, I went to church with my parents. It wasn't strictly a voluntary activity; I'd rather not have gone (partly because I don't want to go to church anymore, not really being into Jesus folk, and partly because Friday Practice 2 [something that happens on race weekends, for the non-F1-literate among you] was on and seemed like a far more entertaining option). I remember when going to church was a fun and fulfilling activity. There was a fire in my heart, a faith that was unshakeable, and a deep desire to learn more. That's pretty much deserted me now.
I used to listen to REM's song 'Losing My Religion' and feel a deep sadness in my heart for someone who had reached the point where their spiritual anchor had come adrift. Now, I listen to it and it resonates with me. I feel like the church is a flawed institution, like somehow we've missed the point of what God was trying to get us to do. Organised religion has become a way to control the uneducated masses, an institution that commits a plethora of atrocities and then covers it up. All that's left in me is cynicism and an analytical mistrust in what the preacher says, because they never seem to back it up with hard evidence. For the last five years, I've been told repeatedly that if you have fewer than ten sources on a piece of work, you haven't done your reading properly. It doesn't matter if everything you want to say can be justified by a single piece of literature, you need to provide proof that other people corroborate the testimony. In my (extensive) experience of Christianity, the minister never offers hard evidence of what they're saying, nearly never gives a cultural/social/historical context to the text being discussed, and puts forward a lot of personal opinions about the text and its meanings.
The pastor on Friday had a long rant about how evil and heartless the Jews and Romans were about Jesus' crucifiction. He displayed an almost complete lack of knowledge of Jewish culture and Roman execution traditions while he ranted. I found it offensive on a few levels, not least of which being this: it was a crucifiction, not a birthday party. Crucifictions were never intended to be warm, fuzzy affairs, they're brutal executions. (I will, for a moment, put aside my objections to the death penalty, since it's tangential to this post, and executions were carried out by the millions in the ancient world.)
My question is this: is an extended spell in academia the end of faith? Alternatively, is it just the end of the kind of faith that led people to believe that Bush was "ordained by God" and therefore infallible? Isaiah (a prophet in the Bible, for the religiously non-conversant) said we should never cease our search for God. Maybe I'm just destined for a more academic religious experience. Maybe, in my journey away from a wide-eyed, childlike wonder at the beauty of the world, I've lost the ability to connect meaningfully with God on an emotional level. If that's the case, how do I find my way back to heartfelt enthusiasm for God?
I used to listen to REM's song 'Losing My Religion' and feel a deep sadness in my heart for someone who had reached the point where their spiritual anchor had come adrift. Now, I listen to it and it resonates with me. I feel like the church is a flawed institution, like somehow we've missed the point of what God was trying to get us to do. Organised religion has become a way to control the uneducated masses, an institution that commits a plethora of atrocities and then covers it up. All that's left in me is cynicism and an analytical mistrust in what the preacher says, because they never seem to back it up with hard evidence. For the last five years, I've been told repeatedly that if you have fewer than ten sources on a piece of work, you haven't done your reading properly. It doesn't matter if everything you want to say can be justified by a single piece of literature, you need to provide proof that other people corroborate the testimony. In my (extensive) experience of Christianity, the minister never offers hard evidence of what they're saying, nearly never gives a cultural/social/historical context to the text being discussed, and puts forward a lot of personal opinions about the text and its meanings.
The pastor on Friday had a long rant about how evil and heartless the Jews and Romans were about Jesus' crucifiction. He displayed an almost complete lack of knowledge of Jewish culture and Roman execution traditions while he ranted. I found it offensive on a few levels, not least of which being this: it was a crucifiction, not a birthday party. Crucifictions were never intended to be warm, fuzzy affairs, they're brutal executions. (I will, for a moment, put aside my objections to the death penalty, since it's tangential to this post, and executions were carried out by the millions in the ancient world.)
My question is this: is an extended spell in academia the end of faith? Alternatively, is it just the end of the kind of faith that led people to believe that Bush was "ordained by God" and therefore infallible? Isaiah (a prophet in the Bible, for the religiously non-conversant) said we should never cease our search for God. Maybe I'm just destined for a more academic religious experience. Maybe, in my journey away from a wide-eyed, childlike wonder at the beauty of the world, I've lost the ability to connect meaningfully with God on an emotional level. If that's the case, how do I find my way back to heartfelt enthusiasm for God?
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