Lessons before I leave Grahamstown

I'm leaving town. Yes, I've finally reached the end of my degree in biology. Let me qualify that, I've studied in nine out of fifteen departments in the science faculty, and two subjects out-of-faculty, with varying degrees of success. I find myself being pushed out of this cosy, safe nest into the big, bad world, and I feel (among other emotions) sad to be going. It's been a good home, and has provided endless entertainment.
There's something about a small town full of students that lends itself to ridiculous happenings. From overheard snippets of strange conversations to full-blown streak-athons, this town has it all. I wrote a while ago about law students making drink-related traffic mistakes; I will now dispense some advice garnered from students from other faculties over the course of my university career.

BIOLOGY

Lesson 1: what to do if you find a dead shark on the beach
A group of students went down to the beach for the day. While surfing/walking along the beach, they came across a shark that had been washed up. The shark lying dead on the beach inspired in them the human urge to take care of the remains. So, no problem, they put the shark (which, it must be noted, was smelling quite ripe by this point) in the back of the car and brought it back to Grahamstown. Wondering where they were going to put it, they took it to the student cafe , pushed two tables togather, and displayed it proudly on its improvised plinth (pictured left). The confusion in the cafe courtyard the next day was amusing to watch, and was only resolved when the lab techs came and removed the little fishy. So, to recap, if you want to achieve maximum impact, place your dead shark in a high-traffic area.

Lesson 2: what to do if you come across road kill
On a road trip back from the beach, a group of guys came across a kudu lying dead in the road. Not wanting its death to be in vain, they took it back to their residence hall and put it in the bath-tub. Bear in mind that it was dripping blood as they carried it from the car, through the building, and to the bathrooms. Given that the facilities had started to look like a set from a particularly violent movie, they were told to remove the kudu. What did they do? They took it to their friend's house; a friend whose housemates were militant vegans. He then proceeded to carve the kudu into steaks in their bath-tub (more horror movie set design accompanied this action). Lesson: to annoy residence hall authorities and vegans, road-kill is an acceptable strategy.

PUBLIC DEBATE

Lesson 1: how to offend Christians
When drug legalisation comes up, there are always a mixture of reactions. There are the strongly against (usually represented by the religious people in the circle), those who are strongly in favour (usually represented by people who smell like combusted herbs and address everyone as "dude"), and those who have no reason to care so don't (incidentally, this group is a distinct minority in Grahamstown). The debate raged for a short while before someone announced, "On the third day, God made mushrooms; on the sixth day, God created the duck-billed platypus. You make the connection."

LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS

Lesson 1: dress for success
Nobody is going to pay attention if you dress in a nondescript manner. This is demonstrated time and again by students, who have a habit of wearing pyjamas to lectures, but insane costumes to fancy dress parties. We have a tradition of Boere [farmers] and Hoere [whores] Braais (well, had, until The Feminist Powers That Be raised objections to the word "hoere" on a poster) - basically the girls dress as farmers and the boys dress as ladies of the evening. On one of these evenings, a friend of mine took the lady of his dreams (or at least, the one he had been chasing for a few months) home after the party...while he was dressed as a prostitute.

Lesson 2: love yourself, screw what other people think
I was walking home from the labs the other night and walked past a clown in full facepaint. If that wasn't unusual enough, he was riding a unicycle. Admire the mad skills: he had a box of wine in each hand as he rode along. If I hadn't been more sober than a judge, I would've thought I was hallucinating. Now, I disapprove of drinking wine by the box, but you have to admire someone who is 1) secure enough to use his unicycle as a mode of transport between parties and 2) skilled enough to carry his party supplies while riding a unicycle.

Yes, I'm going to miss this crazy little town!